Bugger.

Well, my resolution to post at least weekly fell by the wayside pretty quickly, but it's not every week that your mother dies.  It's funny, I really didn't think I'd want to write about this on the blog, but it feels quite liberating to put it down in print, although now that I have it's difficult to know what else to write.  Maybe being able to tell the ether all about mum, and how much I'll miss her is something that will come later.  For now it's like being in a very surreal dream punctuated with crippling physical pain when reality bites, and hysterical laughter when my daughter - the most wonderful thing in my life EVER - punches the air shouting "rock 'n' roll" before giving me a choking cuddle and snotty kiss on the lips.  Right at the time when I thought I'd be plunged back into the black fog of the depression that has tracked my footsteps for about 20 years, I feel so blessed and thankful, and strangely peaceful.  Like I've grown up and have to take responsibility for myself.  I just wish she was still here, so much.